my letter

When I was in sixth grade, I had a puppy-love fling with this kid named Brian. Of course it wasn't the best thing that's ever happened because we were only sixth graders, and in the end we weren't speaking. He disappeared in the middle of seventh grade, and I heard he moved to Oregon. Recently, though, he's been around again and a while ago I felt like writing a letter to him. At the time, I'd felt like using big words, as you'll see. Enjoy!
Most kind and emphatic Sir,
While in yesteryears I was utterly convinced that within the cavity set aside for such, you were in possesion of an ebony heart - if, indeed, one at all - I have revisited and explored those adventures in which we both took part, and upon reflection have decided that this party was most at fault.
If at any one point in the procedures had I but withdrawn and examined the situation, a whole bit of unnecessary and unlooked for suffering could have been allievated and prevented. Most unfortunately, such a fanciful proposition was never entertained and therefore did not come to pass. However, I feel rather pompous to be able to disclose that in retrospect I have arrived at various happy outcomes for all unpleasant encounters between these two parties. Said solutions require more time and space to divulge than available, but rest easy - if ever the desire to know of these solutions is felt, all one need do is inquire; I shall be more than happy to terminate such worries.
Moreover, if unsatisfaction with the current labyrinth unknowingly entered when thou returned from mysterious departure should arise, do not feel encumbered by such trifles as unseen society boundaries. Approach with openness and humility, with naught but truth on yonder lips, and the snowy cloth shall be welcomed and accepted. The following conversation shall be as friendly as I can find it within my own ebony heart to endure.
The purposes of such correspondence this day are to express the satisfaction felt on my part that I am revived, whole and sound (as much as any of our race is fit to be), from the incidents occurring in the sixth year of our formal education, and to extend a hand not unlike that extended to the oppressors in the year of our country's freedom.
For the experiences and wisdom gained of this all, I remain your loyal servant.
;)